Today on Facebook, a former classmate of mine posted a link to this NY Times Article;

A Clothing Clearance Where More Than Just the Prices Have Been Slashed

At the back entrance on 35th Street, awaiting trash haulers, were bags of garments that appear to have never been worn. And to make sure that they never would be worn or sold, someone had slashed most of them with box cutters or razors, a familiar sight outside H & M’s back door. The man and woman were there to salvage what had not been destroyed…

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/06/nyregion/06about.html?scp=1&sq=h%20&%20M&st=cse

The article basically describes how H & M discards of old clothing by slashing them up before throwing them out in the dumpster.  A reference is even made to Wal-Mart doing a similar thing via a third party.  With some outrage, my Facebook friend said that she will not give H & M her business while they continue this practice.  I agree with her on the moral implications of what is happening here.  A clothing store is destroying and throwing away clothes that could be used by the poor and the homeless.  To add to the insult, this is happening at a time where millions of Americans are unemployed and the economy is still waiting for the recovery to begin.  Never has there been a time where more people would be able to benefit from a coat that might have a broken zipper and therefore they couldn’t sell in the store.

Take caution, however, when making a statement that says you will not give them business while they participate in this practice, for they are far from the only company that does this.  Back when I was an undergrad, I worked for the clothing retail chain Eddie Bauer.  I started out working on the floor, but I also spent time working in the stock room and the shipping desk for the store.  That is when I first saw this practice happen, because I was the one that was forced to do it.  When clothes were out of seasons, we shipped them back the distribution center which then intern sent them to the Outlet stores.  But if clothing had some kind of damage, it was destroyed.  Damage could be a little rip on the sleeve, and ink stain from an old security tag, or anything that made it so we could not sell it.  The manager told me that once we damaged out the merchandise, we then had to destroy it so that way people wouldn’t go diving in the dumpster later.  I did question as to why we didn’t do something else with the clothing, but the answer was less of an reason aside from just saying that, it’s policy.  It wasn’t just clothing I had to destroy.  Watches and gadgets where also on the list.

These are wasteful practices, and we should be outraged.  Sadly though, we wouldn’t be doing much shopping if we boycotted every store that participated in the destruction of clothing and other ‘damaged’ merchandise.  If this story does give you that sense of outrage, then do something about.  Ask every store you shop at what they do with the ‘damaged’ goods.  If you want to make a difference you can, but not by contacting the company.  They can ignore the customer that has a problem.  I don’t say this much, but call your congressman (or woman) and get the legal system going.  If they find that this is a wide spread practice that waste millions of dollars and resources, than they can enact laws that will force these companies to do something useful with what they view as trash.  Then one day, the mis printed H & M jacket will be worn in Africa along side the losing NFL Super Bowl shirts.

So I get the enviable job of deciding just how Sybil is going to entertain herself during her furlough.

And what a job. There have been some great suggestions. Everything from heavy drinking to adopting livestock.And I’m loknig forward to see what is suggested in subsequent week. But this week’s challenge will be:

I dare you to live on the roof of my building for a weekend. Friday night to Sunday mid day.

1655 Union Street
Brooklyn, NY 11213

You must stay on the roof rain or shine. (I will give you 10 bathroom passes for 10 minutes each, no showering or brushing)

Of course, the best part of my job is tweaking things. You must also live in the roof for the weekend with Brian, and this must take place in the next couple weekends. Subsequent dares will be solicited in the meanwhile, so get back on it kids!

–Judge Justin.

Shibow goes to Trapeze School, 08/08/08

Forgive the groan-inducing title, but I had to find a way to work it in, if just to prove I have a sense of humor about the many, many MANY ways my name has been misused (Sybil Rights, Sybil Law, Simba, Nipple– yes, nipple).

Having given my current place of employment notice that I am leaving in order to pursue a Master’s degree in an unrelated field (the vagueness is intentional, and may or may not be explained at some point sometime perhaps), I realize that I will, for a few months at least, have quite a bit of time on my hands. Instead of doing something productive with myself, I’ve decided to essentially place my fate in the capable (right?) hands of you readers.

I was going to attempt to sell this as me trying to “find myself,” but honey, this ain’t Lifetime, and there are no mountains to be found in Da Hurst. Here’s the basic idea: you dare me to do something, and I do it. That’s it.

Well, that’s not it. There are some caveats, if only because I know that if there weren’t any conditions, some of my more insane acquaintances would have me whoring myself out to high-ranking political officials or licking subway cars (the latter is a genuine suggestion I received from my best friend. I really know how to pick ‘em).

The rules are as follows:

1. The dare cannot be illegal (i.e. whoring oneself out to a high-ranking official).

2. You cannot dare me to do something that will kill me. Well, I mean, you can. I just probably won’t go through with it.

3. I am cheap and poor. Plan accordingly.

Lastly, to make this fair– and to keep me from punking out– I’ve appointed Justin the dare judge, or Dare Judge (to make it official). All suggestions will go through him. God help us all.

To start daring, post your suggestion below, along with your name and any additional information you’d like to offer. Each week, beginning with the first week in June, I’ll take a Justin-sanctioned dare, run with it, and post my experiences for all to see and laugh at. So make ‘em legal, and make ‘em good kids!

You may look at the title of this post and wonder why I said ‘Too close to ignore”, as if it implied that I was ignoring it before.  Well, in a sense, I was.  But please, let me explain before you judge.  First of all, I have been close to layoffs in the past.  My father was let go twice due to layoffs, once from Pratt and Whitney when I was still in elementary school,  and again when I was in high school.  I know the hardships that families go through during these tough times, being forced to cut back, borrowing money from your child’s savings to pay the bills for the month.  But in the end, we have come through.  I was able to go to college.  But now, the economy has tanked and people are scared.  Even I’m scared, I just don’t like to show it.

A couple of months ago, one of my best friends lost his job, only 2 months before his wedding.  Thankfully, he found a new job before his wedding and is in the clear.  But still, everyday you hear about more people losing their jobs.  But I still feel very distant about it.  I mean, there is nothing that I can do to stop someone else from losing their job at a company across the country.  I can feel bad about it for a moment, but at the end of the day, I can’t let it affect my life.  I still need to move on and do my job, and provide for my house.  In all honesty, it’s that I really ignore anything or that I don’t want to help, it’s that I feel powerless to do anything aside from Pray and hope for the best.

That was until this week.  Working at a University, I have been in a very safe position job wise.  Our administration has been keeping us up to date as to how we stand with the economy, and even though we were going to have rough times, it seemed like we were going to be okay.  And then it happened, for people from my department were let go, one who worked here for 16 years.  And the next day I heard of a total of 15 that were let go.  Now it’s on my doorstep, too close to ignore.  This is the end for now, but if things don’t turn around soon, they may start cutting back more jobs.  None of know what is going to happen, and now it really is a scary time.

In all honesty, I do love Lenten season. It is a great time for self reflect, meditation and a refocusing on what is important in ones life. I especially love Holy Week with the Holy Thursday Mass where you have the symbolic washing of the feet, the Good Friday service where we morn at the estimated hour of Jesus’ death, and then the Holy Saturday Vigil where everyone lights candles of the new flame that were all lit from the pascal candle. And in my family, this all leads to Sunday morning brunch at my Grandmother’s house for a traditional Polish breakfast where we have to eat all of the blessed food first. Really, I love this time of year, except for one thing.

On Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, we are supposed to fast. Today, fasting regulations have been relaxed a bit to allow for two small meals and one large meal, where as back in the day it was really only the large meal at the ned of the day that was to be eaten. Again, I have no problem with fasting, it’s the diet restrictions on Fridays during lent that I have a problem with. You aren’t supposed to eat meat on Friday’s during Lent. For most people, this really isn’t a big deal, however, I am not most people. I have always been allergic to dairy products (milk and cheese), so that takes out regular pizza. But there are plenty of other options to eat. For one thing, seafood it an option… oh wait, I developed a seafood allergy in High School. After years of eating fish on every friday during lent, I could no longer enjoy this great meal (available at most fast food locations).

How do I coupe with all of this? It’s not easy, and I break the rules at least once a Lenten Season. On Fridays, I either try to bring left over pasta to work which works out great, but then I end up having pasta again for dinner. If I am not going to be home for dinner, this is where the problems begin. When we happen to go to a diner, there is no problem, I can just order breakfast, and I’m all set. But what about when I am going out with people and we aren’t going to a diner, but we go to a TGI Friday’s? Now I’m forced to either eat a salad that has no meat in it which means I’m still going to be hungry, try to find a pasta dish that doesn’t contain seafood, meat or cheese (good luck) or break the rules. This is where I break the rules.

Every time I break the rules, it does bother me. I feel like I should have been able to do it, or why didn’t I just tell people we should have gone somewhere else. But in reality, we don’t always have the right options in front of us. And at the end of the day, I’d rather break the rule and and eat some steak or chicken rather than starving myself which in some situations (like when you are drinking) can become dangerous.

To the Pope,
I would like to propose a change to the rule. For those of you that can eat fish and dairy you have to give up meat. For those of you that cannot eat fish or dairy, you suffer all year long by not being able to eat these delicious foods, you may eat meat on Fridays during Lent.
Sincerely,
Keith

And if you did, great. But this has nothing to do with your bone density or overall health, though I’m always glad to hear when others are in good spirits…except when I’m not glad to hear anything. Anysegue, Vitamin Tramp is a Texas-based band fronted by Ralph Thompson and Dave Novak. Band members include Ralph Thompson and Dave Novak, who are supported by members Dave Novak and Ralph Thompson. Pay attention kids: this information will come in handy later on in the show.

Before I continue, I need to admit that I’ve met Dave before. He’s a good friend of Justin’s whom I met once last summer. It was a great night that began at St. Andrew’s (with me proudly ordering a beer by announcing my first-ever “I’ll have what he’s having”) and ended at a sort of shady little karaoke joint (where both Justin and Dave earned even more of my respect by backing me up as I rocked “Gold Digger”). That said, I was really nervous to write this review, for various reasons, including: a. Dave is a really nice guy who backed me up on a Kanye West song, b. It’s difficult for me to in any way criticize someone who has put forth the effort recording an album– in this case, a double album– requires and c. I’m not very good at reviewing stuff. So yeah, there be the caveats, now here be the reviews!

As I mentioned, I was given two very different albums. The first, Since Pflugerville, has a much more mellow, acoustic feel than its counterpart, the electronically-charged Robot Exoskeleton. I’ll start with the former, so as not to confuse anyone. Also, I’ll step up and admit that this was definitely my favorite of the two albums, mostly because I found it easier to pay attention to each sound being delivered, as it seemed to be a much rawer, more stripped- down effort.

The first track on Pflugerville is “Ralph’s Voice Mail,” which is basically just a really clever intro to Track 2, “The Vitamin Tramp Theme Song.” The opening track is a voice mail message sent from one band member to the other, pitching a theme song in which the two sell themselves as “the best damn band.” I’m sold, immediately, on this one, if just because of the self-awareness the band seems to have right off the bat. They follow “the best rock band is Vitamin Tramp,” with “look who’s on the cover of Rolling Stone/it ain’t us.” This self-deprecation permeates, pretty cleverly, this album, and lends to the band’s charm. Also earning brownie points from Shibow is “Will it Be the Same, ” an amusing ditty featuring south-of-the-border-type guitar work that questions what it will be like to trade in an old car/girlfriend/job for a new one. I have to stress how much I appreciate a band that doesn’t take itself too seriously, that seems to play with otherwise serious issues (relationships, career changes, etc.) and take them in stride.

The playfulness is momentarily halted for “Alia,” which I sort of thought was about me since it described its title character as a “princess of some Middle Eastern nation” (ok, I’m not Middle Eastern, but whatever, I played along for a second). Then I got over myself and actually dug this one, despite the fact that I felt the transition between this song and the last a bit jarring. The song, about a worldly, exotic woman seen from an outsider’s perspective, comes with an intriguing thought: what’s it like to be an “other,” and is it possible to really live the “middle class dream”?

The band returns to form with “Solo Self-Titled Debut,” a song in which the band basically breaks down the fourth wall between artist and audience, even outright-ly asking “how do you like my solo self-titled debut,” boldly asking a question many other bands want to, but just self-consciously won’t. The fact that its chorus is basically a series of “la la’s” only highlights how ridiculously scared some bands are of lightening up.

The band is at its strongest when it plays with the idea of what it means to grow up and out of old habits. Vitamin Tramp draws a fine balance between mischief and genuineness, especially in tracks that deal with the issues that come with age . The relationship-related songs, like “Whatever You Hide,” didn’t cut as deep for me as the ones about maturity, and the transition from youth to adulthood, like “Goodbye Sunrise.” This, for me, was about saying goodbye to beginnings, which is a pretty clever and layered concept to consider. It’s a perfect, summery song, and even made me nostalgic (for what, I’m not sure, as last summer wasn’t really one for the books).

Another standout for me was “The New Me,” a menacing three minutes that opens with someone clearling his throat and possibly hocking a loogie (bold!). It’s filled with a fun clap-along beat and funky, blues-y piano supporting a warning of “you’re not gonna like the new me.” It also includes one of the strongest lines on either album, “I just need some way to cope with this intense loss of all hope,” and reminded me quite a bit of one of my favorite quirky artists, Ed Harcourt.

The previous song was definitely in the running to become my favorite Vitamin Tramp song, until it was beaten by the On-the-Go-Playlist must “Through With You.” This creative, paradoxically modern throwback to 20’s speakeasies and swingin’ gangsters (shut up, sometimes I can get really stereotypical, ok?) is the band and its best, and is hands-down the most entertaining track on the album. It’s fun, breezy and includes three vital ingredients to a good song: horns, fabulous background vocals and the word “skank.” Stick a sign on my lawn, because I am sold.

Sometimes, I feel as though I’m listening to 2-3 different bands. Perhaps the band is still finding its footing, or perhaps it is just incredibly playful. Either way, the range in sound speaks to its versatility, which is pretty impressive.

The final highlight for me was “Useful,” the conclusion to this album. It’s just as upbeat and sunny as the album’s opener, reading more like a classified ad than a song, and this is definitely the type of duo that can sell itself.

So now let’s move on to Robot Exoskeleton, which, as I mentioned before, has a feel completely different from that of its partner album. Opener “Closeup” immediately announces this album as loud, and certainly more electronically based than Pflugerville. There is, still, much of the other album’s energy (and, at times, much more), especially on tracks like “My Smile is a Mile Wide,” with pumping percussion and vocals. At this point, I have to pause: two dudes are making all of this noise? The album, is some ways, reminds me of early 90’s favorites like the Spin Doctors and Deep Blue Something. Its unapologetic in its straightforwardness, which– especially in today’s self conscious “rock star” climate– I completely appreciate.

While I don’t consider discussions on relationships to be the band’s best angle, I did take interest in “Different,” a song about questioning a relationship’s validity at its end. It hit home for me, especially with lines like “did we make the right decisions/when we told each other lies.” It’s human nature to backtrack and try to figure out what could have been done differently, and the band tackles the subject nicely.

I wasn’t a huge fan of “Daughter of My Boss,” mainly because it seems like I topic that’s been done before (in an Ashton Kutcher movie, no less), so I moved on to the hilarious “Jenny Talbot.” The line “Jenny Talbot/ just reach out and grab it,” was enough to have me do a spit take that–thankfully– occurred in the privacy of my room.

“She’s So Mod” appears to be the female answer to Arctic Monkeys’ “Brianstorm.” She’s modern, she’s trendy, [she annoys me to no end when the corner of her ugly Marc by Marc for Marc in Marc over Marc with Marc Jacobs bag repeatedly pokes me in the shoulder] and she’s a complete narcissist. Really, who wouldn’t want her?

Another big track for me was the incredibly dark “I Need a Contact,” a desperate song that repeatedly, distortedly wails that “this is an emergency.” Definitely the most serious song on either album, this one took me by surprise.

My last favorite was “Why Can’t We Wait,” a rockin’ song about summer romance that, somehow, had a Grease feeling to it. This is what I truly like about the band: every subject is tackled with heart, and, pretty importantly, fun.

Vitamin Tramp doesn’t want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. Ok, maybe they do. Hell, I do. Really, though, the band isn’t trying to please you, or me, or anyone but themselves for that matter. I think that’s part of its appeal, especially in an era in music where if we don’t like you, we’re not supposed to like your music. By essentially opening themselves up, admitting that they aren’t hanging with “Puffy Combs” they make themselves more likeable. I love a band that can make fun of itself while still getting its point across. Vitamin Tramp, you got my stamp.

I’d just like to conclude by saying that if that last sentence didn’t convince you that I shouldn’t be writing music reviews, nothing will. Seriously, even I found that cheesy. In the purest way I can, I am asking you to check this band out, plain and simple.

Visit Vitamin Tramp on Myspace, or preview Since Pflugerville and Robot Exoskeleton on iTunes below:

Robot Exoskeleton

Since Pflugerville

SoI decided to blog the Grammys because I figured it was better to take my frustration out on this blog, and on all of you, than to keep it inside. In short, I wanted to smack at least half of the attendees/performers. Let’s roll, kids!

So first up is Bono, or as he’s known to…uh…himself…God. I won’t argue with the sentiment that U2 is one of the greatest bands of our time, but I take issue with its lead singer’s insistence upon being viewed as a martyr. Dude, maybe without the wraparound sunglasses I’d take you seriously. Probably not,but I’ll give you the maybe. Also, I started hitting the mute button (and the pinot grigio. Hoo-ahh!) with this one– the first performance of the night. Not a good sign.

Um… Whitney? Whitney Houston? You ok there, honey?

Anyway, on to the next performance. Al Green, Justin Timberlake, Keith Urban (huh?!) and Boyz blink-and-you’ll-man-that-is-so-messed-up-miss-them II Men perform classic “Let’s Stay Together, and find new ways to piss me off.” Al Green= Legend. Justin Timberlake= Yeah, ok I guess I get it. Need to bust someone young and cute out. But Keith Urban. Really? Didn’t he sing that song about sweaters that isn’t Weezer’s “The Sweater Song?” That qualifies him for this how? And you completely ignore Boyz II Men and treat them like backup singers? Not even a single pan over them? “End of the Road” is my jam! Oh it’s on like Donkey Kong, Grammys.

So yeah, not a good way to start out the night. But we’ll move on. Anyway, Simon Baker and his dorky glasses serve dual purposes for me: they remind me that I love Simon Baker and remind me to see my optometrist. He introduces Coldplay, whom I sort of find myself sometimes quoting even though I insist I’m not a fan of them. Chris Martin has what I call this funky Jesus complex, causing him to randomly convulse while he performs, as if his body were able to communicate what his [admittedly pretty] songs cannot. Still, I’m a sucker for spotlighted-solo-piano-performances. This one had impeccable vocals, and simple but beautiful piano chords that I just couldn’t deny. But wait…Jay-Z– is that you? Come to rap about Biggie, Jesus and Judas Iscariot? I knew it couldn’t last. I’m big on Young Hov and all, but this just didn’t do it for me. After a few more rhymes busted, the lights go up, Jay-Z vanishes (don’t worry folks, he’ll be back in due time) and the band launches—quite awkwardly—into hit “Viva La Vida.” This is the Chris Martin I take issue with—the one who imitates rain dances, birdlike movements and violent shakes. Holy Roller Batman! Someone’s feelin’ it.

So there is probably another award handed out around this point, but I’m too busy still complaining about the Boyz II Men incident to care. But what’s this? A teased-hair, flashing lights hoe-down?! I sort of dug Carrie Underwood’s powerhouse performance. It’s distracting, with lots of shiny lights and loud sounds. Also, singing about keying someone’s car up gives you an automatic thumbs-up (I’ll forgive “Jesus Take the Wheel”) from me.. This performance is slamming. But honey, next time make sure you dress has some lining. I think I see your Underwood.

Best Country Album is announced, and I’m not allowed to give an opinion on this, because I’m just not. Something called a Sugarland wins, though.

Omg! Kanye is among us!

Kid Rock infects the stage next. Seriously, do they just let anyone perform at these things? Could I get up there with my “Ode to My Bitches (it does exist, readers)?” I think he just called himself “Rock and Roll Jesus.” How many wannabe messiahs are we going to have to deal with?

Next up is the highly anticipated [by my teenaged sister] performance of Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, “together for the first time on stage!” Really though, aren’t these two, like, 14? And this is a big deal? What a terrible song. And Miley, give Bea Arthur back her sequined cardigan. It’s Bingo night at the YMCA.

Jennifer Hudson’s performance makes me want to hug a small child. Seriously, she could sing me “London Bridges” and I’d lose it.

More evidence of blasphemy: the Jonas Brothers perform with Stevie Wonder. Stevie Wonder! Why Stevie? I won’t make the obvious (and obviously wrong joke), but I’m sure there are a lot of people out there with a theory as to how this collab happened.

Coldplay wins Best Rock Album and I let out many words I’d never want my mother to hear. Rock album? Against Metallica?

I am going to slap Katy Perry. Also, I want to marry Craig Ferguson. Even if he does vomit on my shoes and try to stab me.

Katy Perry= mute button. Sorry folks. She descends in what appears to be a very large banana. Euphemism, much? Wait…what the hell? Are we the Sour Patch Kids all of a sudden? Even Katy Perry seems to find this ridiculous, and I’m about to start seizing.

Omg! Kanye! It appears you’ve still got that on your head, but I’ll forgive it, simply because your performance with Estelle does not include oversized oranges.

Also, I stop blogging at this point because I’m rapping along with the Louis Vuitton Don. “Look at this peacoat tell me he’s broke!” He ain’t broke!

Morgan Freeman introducing Kenny Chesney? Did he lose a bet or something?

So they give yet another Grammy to Robert Plant and Allison Krause. I found this to be a respectable song, but you cannot give this award to these people, going simply by level of creativity and production value, over M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes.” Girlfriend came out on her due date and everything! She’s like 11 months pregnant people!

Paying tribute to Dean Martin with a Rat Pack? Ok… what kind of Rat Pack?

No way. It’s the dream team. M.I.A. comes out wearing some sort of tortoise-like outfit (I’m just going to assume her doctor made her wear that because it would protect her unborn child in some way) and is soon joined by Jay-Z, TI, Lil’ Wayne and Kanye West for “Swagger Like Us.” I know I don’t need to type how excited I am to see two of my favorite acts onstage together, but really, give my girl a chair or something.

Next up, Paul McCartney performs a Beatles song with none other than Rin…oh, I mean, Dave Grohl on drums. It’s pretty funny seeing Dave basically headbanging to “When I Saw Her Standing There.” What would Mr. Starr say?

So at this point, I decide it’s time to shower, and I hand the reins over to Taylor Swift admirer, and my younger sister, Sylvia. You know I’d never leave you hanging, readers! I’d just abandon you and make someone else do the work for me! Note: Beware the smileys. None of them are mine. I swear.

“Here I am . Alright, so right now Jack Black’s on the screen and some dude with sunglasses. Oh yeah, I don’t know names… sorry! Wow, LL Cool J is on the screen and again, some dude I dunno the name of.

Sugarland and Adele (?) perform…yay. I freaking love the lead singer lady’s voice, but sadly, Shibow wouldn’t agree, , which is why I’m saying it anyway . Hey, I think she just gave me the middle finger (Note from Sybil: I can only assume she means my spirit did, as by this point I was upstairs and far away from her. Then again, she’s pretty delusional)! Dontcha just love country? (If you can’t tell it’s commercial time and I’m bored, trying to figure out ways to piss off Shibow.) Alright, it’s back. Gwyneth Paltrow’s presenting some….ooooo Radiohead (Note from Sybil: I want to die right now for missing this.). Ok, what is he doing? I think he’s almost as bad as Chris Martin now…wigglin’ around like some animal. I understand you getting into the music, but this is just too much.

Hey Samuel L. Jackson. Lookin’ good *winks*. TI and Justin Timberlake, ey! Man he’s hot…

Who is this Neil guy? And Obama’s a two time Grammy recipient? Huh? Whoa baby! Smokey Robinson’s here? Four Tops… Jamie Foxx and Ne-yo are the other Two Tops. Not bad, not bad.

Yes, I agree, Ne-yo’s very hot. AHHH I LOVE THIS SONG! Sugar Pie Honey Bun…”

So yeah. At this point I tear my notepad away from the child and realize how hormonal she truly is. Get a grip woman! Samuel L. Jackson?! Anyway, at this point I also realize my sleep is more important to me than the Grammys, which is a little bit upsetting. Music lovers should rejoice in events that celebrate music, but when you choose to showcase annoying women in plastic fruit basket costumes over Boyz II Men (no, I’m still not over that), you lose your viewers. You lose Shibow. And Shibow doesn’t want to be lost.

UPDATE: I’ve been informed of two things by my friend Jeremy (what up Jeremy!):

1. Kate Perry is hot, and I can’t deny that (Yes I can! Oh snizzap!)

2. Neil Diamond (“that Neil guy” to Sylvia) did “Sweet Caroline” and the audience sang along! I almost regret missing this until I remember I can Youtube it. Ok, I fully regret not watching this live. Good times never seemed so gooooooddd…..

1) Do you really need a paper towel for that job?  If you just need to dry your hands, a dish towel, or hand towel would make more sense.  You can use them for years (as long as you wash them please).  When cleaning up a little water on the counter top, grab your sponge instead, that’s what it’s there for.

2) Buy good paper towels.  Now I know some of you reading this (Justin) are saying that this is just Keith falling into the role of having to buy name brand things.  Well, I have a good reason this time.  I was once in college and strapped for cash.  Room mates didn’t always buy things like Paper Towels, so I would buy the cheap ones.  Here is the problem.  You end up you using more of the cheap ones than of the name brands because they aren’t as good.  They either don’t absorb as much or they fall apart easier.  When you buy a name brand, they tend to absorb more water and be a little bit more rugged.  Even thought the up front cost maybe more, the long term costs are less, and less frustrating.

3) Buying the right kind of towel.  There a couple different styles of paper towels to choose from.  You have your plain white towel, which is good, does the job and is there when you need them.  You have your decorative print towels, a favorite of moms everywhere.  Then you have what I am currently using, the select a size.  Standard towels always come in that large square shape, but you don’t always need that much.  The select a size lets you rip off half size sheets for smaller jobs.  What is great about this what you can save in towels.  You will use less rolls over time, and of course that is great for the environment.  And of course, if you can find them, there are the recycled paper towels.  Remember, that your common paper towel comes from a tree that was cut just so you could clean up that split beer at your last party.  Why not use recycled paper towels instead.  These towels have already lived a good life as a news paper, or some cardboard, and are now ready to clean your mess.  They are available everywhere, but check the shelf at your grocery store, and if you see them, give them a try, you won’t be disappointed.