AAVR Magazine

Shibow’s Cheap Tricks (Not Those Kinds)

Because really, how much could I know about affordable hooking (save it)?

Now, there are several reasons I should be writing an article about keeping one’s wallet (somewhat) filled and one’s sanity (mostly, at least when it comes to one’s wallet) intact. The first: I’ve recently graduated and moved into an apartment that I share with a college friend, and I am, for lack of a better term, totally poor, man. I’ll admit it freely: I’ve got no dough. (Ed. Note: Shibow’s AAVR earnings must be going up her nose) The second: frugality runs through my veins, along with equal parts blood and Johnnie Walker Black Label (It’s genetics. Science. It’s complicated.) And the third, and possibly most offensive: it is the way of my people. If you’ve never seen Indian-Canadian comedian Russell Peters’ routine on the extent of my people’s penchant for stinginess, please watch it below. I almost hate to say it, but he is absolutely and completely right.

I actually have been known to complain about the insane prices on some items of clothing, and have also been known to claim that I could make pieces identical to these items of clothing. This is not true, but it is what I tell myself in order to keep from buying the unnecessary. Consider that cheap trick numero uno.

I’m sure I’m not the only cheap-o out there, but perhaps I’m one of the only ones out there willing to admit to my thriftiness. If nothing else, I hope the following tips will encourage my fellow penny-scrapers to stand proud.

Buy a re-usable water bottle. Refill said water bottle. If you work in an office setting, you most certainly have a water cooler. Use it. Use it for something other than discussing last night’s Project Runway (Side bar: Are you as excited as I am for its return?). Plus, as water is nature’s cleanser, you’ll start to see physical benefits as well. A proven antioxidant, enough water can keep you hydrated and help keep your skin clear. Lastly, drinking H2O regularly can keep you from reaching for the Fritos in the vending machine when you think you’re hungry but really aren’t (trust me, it happens).

Steal stuff. Yeah, I went there. And no, this is not me encouraging you to break the law. But let’s examine a common practice amongst, well, all of us. We take too flipping much. We take too flipping much of things we sometimes never use. How often do you find yourself at a food court/restaurant of some sort, with a tray full of unused napkins, packets of ketchup and mustard, etc. that you end up trashing at lunch break’s end? No, children, no. If you’re OCD and able to measure out exactly how much of the aforementioned you need, kudos. The rest of us should just pocket what we don’t end up using. I’ve recently taken up the practice of throwing the extra packets of honey I don’t use from a local coffee shop (Honey! People throw away honey! That stuff is gold!) into my bag after my afternoon tea for my evening tea (Yes, I am an Indian who enjoys her tea. No subverting of stereotypes here.) Ain’t no shame in that. Fortunate, considering I myself have very little shame.

Pack your own lunch. You might get looks. I get looks. Then again, sometimes my idea of lunch is identical to that of an eight year-old who is convinced she can fend for herself. In any case, it keeps me full, prevents me from spending greenbacks on grub from the outside, and from my stinginess sending me in the direction of fast food and the subsequent heart failure that comes with it.

For Shibow’s sake, clip coupons. Until The Man decides to stop sending you a mailbox’s worth of circulars, it’s up to you to see that the coupons within them are put to good use. I’m currently on a cereal kick, which I blame on never having dormed as a college student. Late blooming and all that. Anyway, I’ve been clipping Honey Bunches of Oats coupons like mad as of late, and recently paid $1.99 for a box that normally costs around four bucks. I don’t think I can quite articulate my deep affection for said cereal, and even if I could, I’m sure I’ve sufficiently embarrassed myself in this tip already. Anyway, coupons, people!

Order wisely, grasshopper. Meaning order an appetizer if you know you’ve got a small stomach. Order one or two entrees that you and your dining companion(s) can share (and share the cost of). Or, if you’ve got a heaping plate all to yourself that you know you won’t finish, take it to go, and you’re set for tomorrow’s lunch or dinner.

Unplug that which has been plugged. I believe Justin mentioned this in his piece on going green. Yes, this is the environmentally sound thing to do. It is also the financially responsible thing to do. Unplug appliances around the house that you don’t use constantly, and you could see your electricity bills shrink by a third or more. Money in the bank, homeslice!

Now, I’d like to conclude this piece with a short, but important note. There is a method to my madness, at least when it comes to money. My other neuroses, for the most part, have yet to be fully explained. I do not believe in saving one’s money in order to use it to line one’s coffin at one’s passing. There really is no point in hoarding your dough and never spending it. Take a vacation. Buy an expensive item of clothing once in a while (Though always keep in mind the division rule: divide the cost of the item by the number of times you will wear it, in order to figure out what you’re really spending in the long run.). Treat yourself, and enjoy the benefits of being smart with your money.

For further reading, AAVR also recommends the excellent personal finance blog Get Rich Slowly

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