AAVR Magazine

A Gentleman’s Guide to Gratuity

As someone who is thought to be fairly generous, I am often asked about the appropriate levels of gratuity for the men and women who offer service in our country’s coffee shops, restaurants, hotels, massage parlors and the like.

A man of class never wants to be seen as stingy or miserly, and at the same time, he also never wants to appear to be ostentatious or a spendthrift. It is very important to me that I am fair to those who offer me good service, for I, too have labored in the service industry. After the home for boys that I called my residence for much of my childhood was shuttered, I took to the streets, shining shoes for nickels and quarters to buy my supper. Many of these people in the service industry rely on these tips for income, while for others, it is simply a humanizing "thank you" for a thankless job.

But there is not a blanket rule for tipping, some tips can be calculated as a percentage of the total charge, while other times a different rule is appropriate. I’d like to offer some guidance in a few different categories.

First, a suggestion about offering a tip. A tip in cash should be discreetly placed into the recipient’s hand while looking into his or her eyes and thanking them. It should never be waved about as though it were some kind of treat you give a dog, a tip represents respect and admiration for a job well done. You wouldn’t like very much if your employer made you jump up and down for your holiday bonus, would you?

Below, I have detailed some common situations where tipping may be required. In the future, I will post another, with more rare occasions tips can be appropriate.

Restaurants – Some advocate a sliding scale depending on the kind of restaurant you are attending. These say that a server at your local restaurant should be tipped 15 percent, while the waiters at a more high-end establishment might deserve an automatic 20 percent.

In my opinion, discriminating against the men and women who work hard at a local establishment is a perfect example of unnecessary stinginess. Let’s consider your local diner. Your server comes to your table 5 or 6 times, refilling coffee, brining tabasco sauce and whichever other foolish errand you might demand. And this person comes to your table with a smile and treats you well. Now, assuming you are getting the blue plate special, lets round up and say it is ten dollars. 15 percent of ten dollars? $1.50. Twenty percent? $2.00. If that fifty cents is going to make or break your day, maybe you should consider cooking your own eggs at home.

Shall we contrast this with a meal at a fine restaurant for two? Taking a special someone out for a nice meal can cost upwards of $150, with many of the meals I’ve been to recently costing more than $300. It seems foolish to guarantee a server at a nicer restaurant a richer gratuity despite the level of service. Personally, I always tip 20%, unless the waiter did something to make my dining experience unpleasant. I also make it a point of handing the paid check to the server and thanking them.

Finally, at any fine dining establishment, I recommend tipping the support staff. If a maitre’d helps you with a great table, offer them a twenty dollar bill. If someone takes your jacket, they deserve at least a dollar or two. A sommelier deserves a tip commensurate with the bottle of wine and how much guidance they offer. Services such as decanting can also encourage a nicer tip. A good rule of thumb is five dollars, or ten percent of the bottle, whichever is higher.

Hotels – At a hotel, every person that touches your bag deserves one or two dollars. When traveling, keep a few dollars in singles handy for just such a thing. If you plan on utilizing the services of a concierge, I recommend introducing yourself and offering them between five and 20 dollars, depending on your means and what sort of help you might need.

Similarly, when you check out, leave a gratuity for the housekeeping crew. These hardworking people are often overlooked, but have possibly the most unpleasant jobs, and likely the lowest salaries. Leave between three and five dollars for each day of your stay. At the risk of seeming crass, also think about any unseemly messes you might have left behind.

Coffee Shops – I am a thrifty sort when it comes to coffee. I grind espresso beans at home and usually enjoy my brew there. But I do stop at a coffee shop when traveling or if I need a mid-afternoon boost. At the risk of sounding like a miser, I do not always tip these folks. Sure, if I ask a barista for a complicated beverage that requires foaming, frothing, half-caffing and the like, then they deserve a gratuity. Even when a barista makes a perfect espresso with just the right amount of crema on top, I like to give them a gratuity. However, if I am simply ordering american coffee, a counter clerk that does nothing more than pour some black mud into a paper cup, in my humble opinion, does not need to be tipped unless they are especially friendly or helpful.

Cabs/Limousines - In a metered city cab, a 20 percent tip is always a safe bet. If you are in a city such as Washington, DC, where cabs do not have meters, it is helpful to know your route. Drivers of these sorts of cabs will sometimes attempt to skim a few extra dollars off of unsuspecting tourists. If you suspect this, you are always within your rights to elect not to tip.

When taking a stretch or airport limousine, 20 percent is always a good rule of thumb as well, but barring an extraordinary circumstance, this need not exceed $150 – $200.

Golf Courses – A golf course, like a hotel, is a good place to have a stack of ones in your pocket. Also like a hotel, each person that touches your golf bag deserves a tip. A single dollar or two will do for someone simply picking it up and carrying it, where the starter or caddy manager can be tipped between five and $20 each depending on how much help they offer. These tips are discretionary, if you do not receive any special treatment, or do not use a caddy, you aren’t expected to tip these men in all cases, but if you are on a multiple day excursion, and you do use these services, you might want to consider that a generous tip can result in better service on the following day.

If you take a caddy, most clubs will have an accepted tipping levels posted, and they will correspond to the overall fee. But I have been helped immensely in the past by caddies, and if they are reading greens, suggesting clubs and generally making your round enjoyable, do consider that these gentlemen are carrying your implements for four hours, and that they only work in the fair weather. This is one case where I suggest over-tipping for good service, another ten dollars in a caddy’s pocket can make his night, and it is a fair trade for making your afternoon.

Doormen – if you live in a city and you have a door person, it is appropriate to tip him or her once per year, usually around the holidays. If you live in a small building with one primary person, one or two crisp $100 bills (depending on how much service they provide and what you can afford) shows genuine gratitude. If you have several, tip your primary or favorite $80, and the other between $10 and $40. I recommend tipping handymen as you use them, $5 or so depending on the job. If you have a relationship with one, then a holiday gratuity might also be a good idea.

Bartenders – a barkeep, in some cases even more than a waiter, derives a large portion of their income from tips. As a rule, a dollar tip for a drink should be the minimum. When ordering a beer, a dollar is nearly always safe, but more complicated drinks can demand greater tips. If you are in a busy bar and order a drink that takes several steps (and takes the bartender away from his or her other customers), be sure to add another dollar or two to show your appreciation. This also applies to special or odd recipes that require a worldly bartender or a look into a guide. When a mixologist can properly interpret my martini order, I will tip five dollars, but in most cases that might be considered excessive.

At "open bar" events, where you are not paying for each drink, tip slightly higher. While some would disagree with me, I often tip bartenders at these kinds of events at the beginning of the night, and tip them well. It will ensure you receive appropriate attention, and will also show appreciation.

I’ve covered some of the basic situations where tipping comes into play. I’d like to present a follow-up column with some other, less common situations. If you have any suggestions, Please post them below, and I’ll do my best to incorporate them in the next installment.

Be Well,
Lestud

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